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Can seem to quiet the noggin tonight.  Thank you, big time, to you friends who told me to keep going. That was exactly the validation I was looking for from my pity party yesterday, and it helped. It did. Encouragement is hard to accept, because we so often feel unworthy of it, but it is so necessary. I should try to encourage more people the way I have been.

Super hesitant tonight. I keep erasing stuff. That’s gotta stop. I WILL NOT ERASE THIS EVENING EXPECT TO CORRECT SPELLING. EXCEPT, I MEAN. Could I write I poem where I didn’t erase a line? Whoa. That is a thought. A poem challenge within a poem-challenge. I accept.

Today we biked to preschool, had a doctor’s appointment, groceries, laundry, dinner, and that was the whole day and evening, swallowed by domesticity. There’s actually quite a bit of poemy stuff in these types of days. I’m going to write about it, somehow, without erasing a thing. You’ll have to take my word for it. If I write a line and then erase it, does it still exist somewhere?

They Call You To The World

Tonight they call you to their world, in sounds strangled,

thick and distant you hear them, thick and cold like hearing them from the bottom of the oatmeal gelled in the bowls, thick and maniacal like the percentages on tall stacks of junk mail, thick like on the pamphlet on the vaccine from the doctor’s office that has now been torn into tiny pieces you will pick up before going to bed. Down through the heater vent the flutings of a story you hate to read, you, no wallpaper woman, but the pinching guilt presses your teeth together while the dryer cycles with the revelations of the day. It wasn’t them, and you’ll tell them soon, that it wasn’t them that caused your voice to go off like the milk at the back of the refrigerator, but the wrenching piles of consumption and disorder girding in, the exterior madness that competes with the rats nest inside, and your life  cannot be this vampire on Earth, it is what you should’ve said, instead of the Saran-wrap nagging,  and the voices you hear, while sitting beneath the thin floors, door closed, saying time now, time to go be like the birds, who know that every stick is necessary.

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@#$@@#@#$#$!!! that took too long. Happy Tuesday!

 

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