There’s a woman I have not poemed for this year, but I really love her and her first anniversary of completing chemo to defeat (defeat seems too small a word: crush, conquer, obliterate, devastate, crest, surf, these don’t do it justice either) breast cancer is tomorrow. I owe her a big ole’ poem. I want to link to her blog now, but I’m not sure if that is too public a thing. Then again, she posts her stuff, honest and raw and so inspiring, on a blog, which is all up there in the internet, so I guess it should be okay. My heartsong friend’s blog, which I’ve linked to before is called Love, Hope, Trust, and you really should read it. She is a fabulous writer, and a phenomenal woman. These are my favorite quotes from today’s post:
“Probably, the biggest change for me is not putting off things I want to do. And trying new things that are scary but fun. Like going to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis, SD (way, way more fun than I could have imagined!), driving the truck and horse trailer by myself (oh! the freedom!). Going to horse camp, going back country horse packing in the Bob Marshall wilderness, riding on the back of my husband’s motorcycle-all of it. All the wonderful, glorious fun-filled adventures that are out there, just waiting to be enjoyed! I encourage you to go and do it, whatever it is. The dishes, the dust, the laundry… all of that crap will be there tomorrow- Don’t forget to live this life you have!!
I try to enjoy (really, truly, deeply enjoy) every little joy that comes my way. Magpie, our border collie, wagging her tail and licking my face. My horse nickering at me. Our cat stretching up on his hind legs, begging me to pick him up. The deep, deep pinky oranges of the sunset. My husband hugging me for no particular reason and telling me I am his favorite. My life…
My life kicks ass.
I try not to worry at all. I don’t mean not care, or not be careful or thoughtful. I mean worry- like “what if this?” “what if that?” “what if the whole world exploded???” Key word being try… I still find myself obsessing about money (or really lack there of) and being grumpy about last minute changes. But I can put it in perspective pretty quickly. Having survived a “life-threatening illness” gives you a different perspective. ”
“All the Crap Will Be There Tomorrow” might be my new motto. It’s pretty rad, as far as mottos go. I just relished lots of long minutes reading her prose from years past, and turns out, she’s always been a writer, and always been just as rad as she is now. But this year, this year was a shitty year for my friend, and I wept for her, and I prayed for her, and I stood in awe of her as she came to to work straight from shitty chemo, and there really aren’t words for that kind of inspiration. Except this is a poem blog. So I have to find the words.
A Heart Song
To me, your hair has always played second fiddle to your laugh, great notes rising with sharp release from your bosom, no matter what state it was in then. And no locks could match your cheeks stretched and pointed to the ceiling in mirth, and when your headscarf slipped I wished you would rip it off and lariat it above your head like a Chippendale, like I know you wanted to do. Like, seriously, it was apparent that you wanted to. And no lie, there was a day, when you turned and looked so paper light, that the fear grew up through my tendons and took hostel in my chest, but then you cackled, with such quick grace, and I cried with the thanks and relief of it, because yours is a joy with iron behind it, and though it floats up like birdsong, it is forged in a new and elemental joy.
Okay, my friend. I know the word “bosom” made you laugh, and that was pretty much my whole goal tonight. If that didn’t, maybe it was “Chippendale”. Anyhow, you rock, and I love you, and I’m taking your words to heart. I did not even do the dishes before sitting down to poem to you. That right there, that’s some inspiration. Happy Thursday!